Good night Dad

Every night before bed I sit and stare at the picture of my Dad. I talk to him, tell him about my day all the ups and downs and crazy things that happened. I can see his reaction to each story. It is almost like for a second I forget that he is really gone. For that brief second I actually feel as if I am talking to him. Today is three months since he died and I ache more today than the night that we found out. At this time three months ago I was sitting at my parents house trying to understand what was going on. I do not remember much of that night, which for me is a blessing. I do remember crawling in bed with my mom and holding her hand while we slept. Now three months later we are all holding hands. Mom, Julie, Leroy, Brian, Stacy, Rexer and I. Because that is what we do. We have really hard days that never seem to end, but some how they do. I miss him every second of everyday. I hear his voice still and I can smell him. I laugh and cry often when I think about memories with him. He was my Daddy and I was the stereotypical "Daddy's girl". I look in the mirror and I see him. I look at my children and I see him. He is all around me and I take comfort in that. Today while unpacking Ry's old clothes to get ready for Jake to wear I found a shirt that said "Grandpa's right hand man". I remember when my mom bought the shirt. Dad loved it. I am pretty sure that he cried when he saw Ryan wearing it. I cannot wait to put it on Jake, if Dad were here he would have two little right hand men.

Field Trip...

Elisha goes on her first field trip tomorrow and for some reason it is a flood of emotions for me. My Dad went of every field trip I ever had. He worked nights, and would get off work and come whether it was the zoo, saltwater state park, Wild Waves, he was always there. I have lots pictures of me curled up in his armpit while he slept on the bus ride home (thank you to the parents who captured this). I would have loved nothing more than my Dad to have been able to go with Elisha on this particular Field trip to the Nature center, to enjoy smashed peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or baloney and cheese-So, thanks Dad for such special memories, I wish today I could just curl up in your arms. Elisha told me that she thinks Grandpa is going all sorts of field trips in heaven and I think that she is right....
I miss you Dad!!! Love, Jul

It's a Boy!!!!!!!

Jacob Landon Orcutt was born on May 1st at 4:27 pm. He weighed a healthy 8 pounds and was 20.5 inches long.

New Normals....

So, as every Wednesday comes around I wonder when I will stop dating them back to my Dads death. It has been 7 weeks today, and the last few weeks have been extremely hard. I am back to work, life is seemly normal around here, with the exception of late night tears, strangers coming to the door asking for Dad, phone calls from metro, Dad's bike getting returned, strange dreams with Dad in them, lots of firsts with out Dad and well to be honest returning to normal life sucks, it is so overrated, gone are the days where we did not leave the house, when people came to us with meals and anything else we needed, when we could spend our time reflecting and crying as we felt necessary- I miss this time.... now I get my reflection time on my car rides to and from work, in the middle of the night, in the late evening with my Mom. The tears come harder and faster almost taking my breath away but seem gone quickly. I am learning the balance of grief and joy and that there are no rules in this process. I am also learning that everyone grieves so different, so it is not worth taking offences when somebody does not respond how I need them to or how I think they should. I am so thankful for the first few weeks after my Dad's death because life stopped, and as it does our world has been put in motion again. We had an engagement party for Bri and Stac, Cin is going to have a baby any day now, Elisha had her first school concert at the PAC, we have been so busy projects, our house is for sale, planning a wedding, and the list goes on, so many good things to look forward to....With everyday that goes by, it becomes more real that he is not coming home, that this is our new normal, everybody says it will get easier, and I look forward to that. For now, I am just doing my best to breathe, enjoy my family, and take moments to remember my Dad....
Love, Jul

Wednesdays...

For me, Wednesdays are the toughest. Each week I think it will just be a little bit easier and then it somehow sneaks up on me and it is still that sad feeling of missing Mike. The memories of a day that seemed so 'normal' and how now just trying to get back to 'normal' can be hard some days. I continue to read the blog, and although it is sometimes sad, there is a lot of comfort in sharing our memories of Mike and moving through this process together. My head knows that this will get easier with time, I am just not sure my heart has bought into that quite yet.

To Judy, Julie and Leroy, Cindy and Rex, Brian and Stacy - you continue to amaze me on how you openly share your heart and move through this time with such grace. I can just see Mike smiling and know how proud he is of each of you. I love you all very much.

So, here it is another Wednesday....miss you Mike.

Joyce

Missing my Daddy

This picture was taken shortly after Ryan was born. If you look closely you can see the tears running down my Dad's cheeks. Today like every day, it is hard. I miss him more and more as each second goes by. I miss his smell, his hands and his laughter. I miss hearing Cynthia Michelle being yelled. I miss feeling safe-like only my daddy could make me feel. I still grab for the phone to call him, try to remember funny things to tell him or think he is home when I pull up to Mom and Dad's house. I know that soon I will get use to him not being here or not calling him, but honestly I am not ready for that. I am not ready for my Father to be a memory. He adored his wife, loved his children and was in love with his grandchildren. I mourn the future not the past. I am less than two weeks away from giving birth to our second child, and I am so scared. Sacred that I will finally realize that my father will not be the first one to walk in the room shortly after I have the baby.

I love you with all my heart Daddy, promise me on the day of the baby's birth I will feel your presence.

Love your,

Middle Child Cynthia Michelle

Missing Big Brother

Friday today and for whatever reason just can't seem stop thinking about my big brother today. I think of him everyday but today he is really with me. Might be the sunshine and the thought of him taking a bike ride...:-) Mom and Dad took off to go on a little "Motor Home" outing...we where all glad to see them finally agree to go...Mike would of wanted them to go and would have been mad to think they would of stayed home because they are sad.

It is sad without him. I wake up some morning's and just for a quick minute forget what has happened...or I think that maybe he is going to call me and tell me some silly story that will make me laugh until I cry! I do know for sure that he is around all of us everyday and that he is having a blast in Heaven. It just has left such a big void down here. I love you big brother...what a blessing you have been to all of us....

Karen

From Cupcake :)

I finally got around to watching that healthy incentives video that Bucky did. I saved it to my computer, but I haven't felt quite up to watching it yet... I did and I laughed. It was good to hear that joking laugh of his at the end!
I can't really believe that's it been a month already. It's crazy.
Thought I'd share a funny thing that happened:
I went to go use one of my old purses and I was cleaning out all the stuff that was in it. I realized that the last time I had used this purse was the last day I saw Bucky (when we all went out to the bar after work)... I had bought a new purse the next day... So, as I am cleaning out all the junk from it.. I started to laugh. Bucky used to like throwing all his garbage in by purses (he said they were big enough, so might as well get the full use out of them). I found the now empty pack of peanuts from the bar, with the remainder of its contents spilled all over the bottom. I made him eat the peanuts so that he would have atleast something in his stomach. And then I stumbled across a dirty snot rag he stuck in there! How typical! I didn't know it was in there. he had to blow his nose on the way home, and I found some tissues in the glove box... I never figured out where he put them when he was done.. hahaha
But it was nice. And it all happened at just the right time. Any sooner and I probably would have cried. But i just took it and laughed.

Still miss him, but it gets easier I suppose. :)

Dearest Mike

Well today is April 10th and you have been gone a month now, and yet it seems like forever. We miss you so much.

Somehow we made it through Ryan's 2nd birthday and Easter, and Sunday we will celebrate Johanna's 4th birthday. It is just not the same without your big laughter and teasing, but we know you are watching over us all.

You are at the top of the mountain now, Mike - no more medicine to take and all talk about and the pain is gone. Sounds like Metro is a little quiter and missing you too just like all your friends. Keep the sun shining for us all with a little rain sprinkled in. We all love you very much.

Love,
Mom & Dad

A great picture of Dad and Mom from their 2 week road trip last summer...

My speech

This is Rex my son-in-law, he's a firefighter. This is how Mike would always introduce me. He was proud of who I was and what I had accomplished. Dad was a great man and has taught me a lot. We will miss him but never forget him. How could you? Here are some of my favorite memories.
I will never forget the day that I asked Mike for his approval for Cindy and my marriage. Mike knew why I was coming into the garage. Along with everyone else. Mike was a larger than life kind of guy. He told you what he thought no matter what. I walked in the garage and began with the small talk. I was so nervous to ask one little sentence. So after awhile Mike prompted me with"So what are you doing this weekend, Rex." My response was "Well, Mike, that is why I am in here. I would like to ask your daughter to marry me but I would be honored for your approval first." Then I saw a tear start to form in his eye. He chuckled and said "Of course my answer is yes, I could not imagine anyone else for my daughter. I consider you a son." Mike always had a way of making things seem very easy. There was nothing to big to handle.
An Oh Shit memory of mine was a hike up to Crystal Peak. Once we got to the trail head Mike got his gear on which included his multi-day pack, poles and his nice boots. My gear included a back pack that I borrowed from Mike and tennis shoes. We started out walking at a Mike's pace. Of course he would say "you can go ahead if you want, Rex." "No, no Mike you know what you are doing I will stay with you." We finally get to the top; had our lunch and took a nap, of course. We headed back down. As we were hiking I started to hear scratching on the trees. I looked around and saw two cubs playing. Looked up another ten to fifteen feet and saw momma bear staring at me. I pointed and stuttered bear. Mike said "Shit Run!" I saw him run by me and I thought to my self "I thought you were supposed to be calm around bears?" But i ran with him because he had more experience than me..... and I knew I could run faster than him. We got half a mile away and I looked back and saw him running as fast as he could, which wasn't very fast. We met up and laughed and then continued our hike probably at a faster rate than normal. We got to the trooper and headed back home and Mike says "How about a shake from Walley's." He loved his shakes. He lived for the moment with no regrets. He always love an adventure.
When I first met Cin I was lucky if could change the oil in my truck. So of course it was important to Mike to teach me to not only change the oil, but do a tune up, and do my brakes. So after a few times showing me how to do my brakes he let me do it on my own. I had the truck backed into the garage, wheel chalks in front of the wheels and the rear end up in the air. I finished the brakes and I was proud because I did the brakes by my self and I knew he would be proud as well. I removed the chalks and started to lower the rear end of my truck and it slide into the middle post of the garage. I thought to my self "crap Dad is going to be pissed." With my tail between my legs I went to into the house and asked Mike to come out to the garage. When he came out he said "Oh shit," followed by "Are you ok?" I said "yes." "Well then lets move the truck." That is the way Mike was. His grace for us was like no other. He would do anything for us at any time at any cost.
Mike has taught me that life is short here on earth. Do not hold back. Do not be afraid. I challenge each one of us to live life to the fullest with no regrets. Take time for family because family was one of the most important things to him. Next to his mountain gear of course. On his Life is Good shirts is says Do what you love. Love what you do and he truly did that.

We love you Dad.

God Bless

A normal Wednesday

These are the words that I spoke at my Dad's service... I really miss my Dad today.

Each day that goes by I realize that He is not coming home.....

"There are so many things that I could say, I think that I will start with one of my favorite memories with my Dad....

My mom worked during the day and so in the summers Dad would sleep for a few hours after he got home from working graveyard, and then get up with us kids. One day not long after we moved to our new house in Bonney lake, so I was about 10 and my sister was 8 we decided to bake peanut butter cookies for my Dad. We finished and decided to "deep clean" the kitchen-just like mom would. I found some oven cleaner and sprayed it all over the top of my mom's stove-not knowing that oven cleaner was not stove top cleaner. As I sprayed, it foamed and I soon realized that it was stripping the black paint off of my mom's stove. In a panic I wiped it off, and soon after in tears headed upstairs to tell my Dad. I went in his room, sat on the bed and gently woke him up, I explained what had happened and began to cry even harder. In this moment I realized that now as a parent that my Dad had 2 choices in how to respond-angry and frustrated or full of grace. He took one look at me and saw how devastated I was, he got up dried my tears and said-"let's go to the hobby store in Puyallup-they have lots of good paint choices- we will find a good match" We got home and fixed the top of the stove-I knew that it was not perfect, and was sure that my mom would also notice, but he completely convince me that it was fine and mom would not even notice. In talking with my mom about this she told me that he must have convinced himself, because it was not until much later, when she was doing a deep clean that she noticed the imperfections. This story means so much to me as a parent because I am always given 2 choices in how I respond to my children.

I share this story because just like the oven cleaning accident I have 2 choices in how to respond to my Dad's death... I could be angry or gracious...As I have been full of emotions this last few weeks, I understand more and more that being angry is not really an option for me because I can hear my Dad's voice saying" I love you Jul, you can get through this, you have all that you need and I am so proud of you."

With every person that I have talked with I have also realized that in an odd way, we are the lucky ones. I have no regrets, I knew exactly how much my Dad loved me, so saying goodbye does not seem so hard. The things that I will miss the most about my Dad are his quarks- but Truth be told those live on through each of us.

So, my challenge for each of you is to LIVE-keep short accounts, say your "I love you's" and make sure that those you love are left behind with not regrets because life changes even on a "normal Wednesday"

I love you Dad-

Love, Jul"

Top 10

Top 10

With Bucky, there was never any question where he stood. What you saw was what you got. At work, as well as in the real world. My son and I were at Wilson of Tacoma for ODP tryouts, along with several hundred other Beckham want-a-be’s and their proud parents. So here I’m am, walking across this complex of fields, little Steven in tow, cleats on his feet and a soccer ball under his arm, and out of nowhere I hear “Hey Dahl” followed by a number of descriptive adjectives that aren’t appropriate for this forum (or a soccer field full of early teens and their parents). There is no mistaking for whom I was receiving this verbal abuse. I scanned the horizon, and there, over two fields a way, is our good old friend Bucky Buchanan. Trying to ignore him or pretend I didn’t hear him was out of the question, so Steven and I started walking toward the mound of sound. We get within about 30 yards and Mike reaches down, grabs the bottom of his tee shirt and lifts it up over his head, flashing me and several hundred young men and their shocked and bewildered parents. Parents shielded their little kiddies eyes and tried their best to scurry them away from Namu of the North as others shrieked in horror. I’m sure there were many kids sleeping with the lights on after that sight. Of course all Mike was doing was showing off his zipper chest.

Few in VM received as much grief, and nobody dished out anymore then Bucky. However, it was never meant to offend. Never meant to be mean or spiteful. Always meant to be funny. Always an expression of endearment. Bucky was easily in my top 10 Metrodite. And I have no doubt that Bucky made the top 10 list of many others. Both in and away from Metro.


Bruce Dahl

Memories of Mike "Bucky" Buchanan

Bucky would "always" be one of the first to stand up and say something good about someone and tell a "funny" story about them. He was a great storyteller and could get everyone laughing in no time.

Bucky was one of the first people Iworked with on graveyard at Metro. We were polar opposites, I was negative and he was "very positive." He loved to have fun and play practical jokes and I was an easy mark since he could always get me riled up. I remember the first time; they had gone to pick up food for everyone and came back with hamburgers. Bucky had taken a bite out of mine and then rewrapped it so it didn't show and everybody had a good laugh at my reaction when I opened it up to eat it! At my retirement party earlier this year I ordered a hamburger, took a bite and then handed it to him. He remembered the joke and we laughed about it again. Another time, there was a a concern about layoffs and I'm a worry wart so he got a hold of a layoff notice and redrafted it so it had my name on it and let me sweat it out a while. They got their chuckles and in the end we all had a good laugh. It became a challenge to try and figure out when he'd pull the next practical joke. I hate to admit it, but I even hesistated to invite him to my wedding because I was afraid he'd play some practical joke, and there was no way I was telling him where I was staying. I later regretted not inviting him because he was always a good friend.

I had a chance to partially make up for that error when I invited him to my retirement party in January of this year [2010]. He and his wonderful wife Judy came and Bucky, in best form, stood up with me and we shared stories and experiences with everyone and we all laughed. What a great time we had and what great memories we shared.

As much as he liked to joke around, he also had my back and took me under his wing. Early on, I really screwed up a job and he spent as many as hours as it took to help me fix it and make it right. He'd "always" be there to help others and help me. That's the kind of guy he was. We were a family on that graveyard shift and continued to keep in touch even as we moved around to other bases.

I always remember him in a good mood. Even when we went to visit him after his surgery a few years ago, he was in good spirits and despite the pain, got up and took a little walk around the yard to show us what they'd done. He had a big heart and in the end I guess his physical heart just couldn't hold all the heart that was Mike Buchanan. We love you and we'll miss you Bucky!

Gary & Astrid DuPuy

3/21/2010

A cousin not to be forgotten.

When you picture Mike, you always think of a man smiling and ready to laugh with you. In fact, I cannot think of of time when he was not smiling. I had to warn my wife about this "crazy funny man" when I introduced her to Mike. Mike will be missed.

Our hearts go out to the Buchanan family. Life is short enough as it is, but way too short when something like this happens.

-With all of our love, Jason Schweiger.

My Husband

As I sit here drinking my tea (the English in me) and reading the blogs, the house is quiet for the first time in a while, I know all my children are close by, I wonder where to start.

My husband was an amazing, crazy, lovable man. What you loved about him was all his imperfections. You knew what he liked and loved and you definitely knew what he didn't like. There wasn't much he disliked. Most of all you knew where you stood with him and if he loved you, he really loved you.

He could find fun in everything and get away with mischief like no one I will ever know. He was a great story teller, especially if it was about himself!!!! He was one of a kind and I will miss him forever. I have no regrets and I know things will get easier.

You, my family and friends, have made this time bearable, with your wonderful stories, pictures and quotes, your food or the simple hug, the squeeze of a hand. Your love and generosity through this has helped more than I can express in words. It is a great reflection on Mike, how you have been here for me and my children. I know he is at peace and pain free and for that I am grateful.
"WE YOU" (As my grandson would say) LOVE YOU,
Judy

Mike's Celebration

Just to clarify, on Sunday, March 21, 2010, from 2:00 to 4:00 , at the Swiss Sportsman Club we will be having a structured ceremony. After that, it is time celebrate his life!!!!!!

My Childhood Village Is In Mourning

Tomorrow will mark the day that I received the horrible news about the passing of Mike. I, like so many others, was instantly sick to my stomach and so terribly sad. By the following week I could not stop myself from driving over to Chuck and Aggie's house ..not knowing what to say, just wanting to be near them and our neighborhood. They were not at home, and with my girls waiting in the car, I penned a short note on a piece of scratch paper and left it for them to read. It was not what I had in mind and a short note on a piece of scratch paper was not what I would normally do, but I knew that I had to do something. I wanted this family, my neighborhood village, to know that I was with them in their sorrow. I too have so many memories of our old neighborhood and it continues to be so difficult to fathom that Mike is gone. While I had lost touch with the family for so many years, I knew in my heart that they held a special place, I just wish that I had told them that I still loved my village and I have forever been thankful for all that we shared together. Without my childhood village, I would not be where I am today. I found out in February of 2009 that Mike and I both worked for King County and I so enjoyed a video interview that he did for our Healthy Matters Program. He looked a bit older (just like all of us) but his smile, laughter, outlook and twinkle in his eyes were still there. I tried to email him without luck and then did not pursue contacting him to say hello. How I wish I had taken the time, much like the message posted on this Blog from the church. I have spoken to Karen (my childhood best friend) on the phone. My guess is that this is the first time that we have spoken in 30 years (gosh we are old!). I am looking forward to seeing Karen and I plan to hug her, cry with her and with her family ...my village. Mike was a great kid to grow up with and clearly from reading the BLOG, he turned into a fantastic husband, father, grandfather, Co-worker, friend and continued to be a bright light to his parents and sisters. God Bless you all and I wish you peace in the coming days, months and years. With sincere sadness, Sally Mendel (Peluso)

One Good Man

I met Bucky when I went to work at Metro’s East Base. Before arriving I was advised to “mess with Bucky right away because sooner or late he was going to mess with you….so you might as well strike the first blow.” So during my first week there I hid his toolbox. What hoot! Bucky laughed about finding his toolbox missing and then he howled when I told him why I hid it in the first place. What a laugh! One day Bucky did not come in to work nor did he bother to call. When asked about it he told the crew that his cat had fur balls, repeatedly. For the next two months that was his favorite saying followed by his big laugh. Mike loved joking, laughing, teasing, and being teased. He just loved the interaction and reaction with people. He had a very kind side of him as well. Once I told Bucky that my son had his bicycle stolen and the very next day he brought in a used bike for me to take home. Privately, he often spoke with great pride, love, and affection of his family. Mike with his humor and wisdom touched so many lives. He will be truly missed. My condolences go out to his family and friends. Johnny Wishbone.

A message from Harbor Life Church-Leroy and Julie's church

Greetings and Salutations-

James compared the span of our lives to that of a vapor. A vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away (James 4:14). Nothing reminds us of this better than that of a life cut short for whatever reason. It is for this reason that I write. This past Wednesday, the father of one of our members died very suddenly while doing something he loved - hiking. He was only 52 years old. Please be in prayer for Julie and the rest of the family as they grieve and deal with the reality of losing someone well loved in their family.

In a conversation I had with Julie, she mentioned how hard this all was. She also mentioned the comfort and encouragement she had in knowing that there wasn't anything relationally left undone in the relationship. She had a great relationship with her father. She had even talked with him earlier that day and let him know how much she loved him.

Sometimes we don't think about these things until they are starring us in the face.

I would encourage you to take some time to think about your relationships and to ask yourself an important question. Is there anything left undone in any of my relationships? Relationships are important. If you determine that there are, would you consider doing your part to make sure they are right? You will be glad that you did!